Thursday, August 31, 2006
Date of Writing: 31/08/2006
Time: GMT + 10 1413hours
Currently Listening to: Nothing
Mood: -
This post is specially for Jo, although its been a few days since his father's passing, let's give a prayer and some moments of silence for the loss of the man known as a father.
'Though far apart,
As spirit or soul,
We all share the same sky.
Just look up at the sky,
And believe that each and everyone of us,
Is staring up at that same sky.'
The sky is boundless, but we all stay beneath the same sky. 'Thinking of you wherever you are, we share the same destiny under the same sky.' I am looking at the sky, are you doing so too? The stars which shine brightly in the sky, I see my loved ones who have passed on, twinkling merrily above me. Another star twinkles and joins up with theirs, it could be him as well, your father that joined up with them. Suffering has ended, let us welcome the peace, for we know that they are somewhere else better than ever before.
We love you Jonah, don't forget that! :) *hugs from Kaka*
~*KaKa*~ @ 12:18 PM.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Date of Writing: 25/08/2006
Time: GMT + 10 1750hours
Currently Listening to: Nothing
Mood: Uncertain and Confused
Its bugging me. Something is just not right, somehow I don't feel the comfort I've felt before in Ohana. It's confusing and scaring the wits out of me. My mind's been whirring, Its as if I can't find anything else to talk about with them anymore. Uncertain of what to say now unlike before where I could talk as much as I could to them. I'll have to thank Yat and Yan for the help in Trickster Online, I've cleared off some doubts in my mind but somehow, not all. Maple isn't as appealing as it was before, Lost the drive, lost the will to go on. Nowadays I just log in my priest to just hang around with Yan at Lycans. There isn't the homey feeling anymore, it disappeared. =/ I'm so confused!
UncertaintyStay or Go?It's so confusing,
But so lame.
I can't feel the warmth of before,
I can't feel the security that helped me.
I feel so empty,
Souless and helpless.
Nothing to say,
Unable to respond,
Just what happened to me?
Still I read,
But never able to reply,
Somehow my words have all failed me,
Or have I just lost my faith?
It's confusing, its just crazy!
I don't know why I feel this way now.
So much chatter,
So much lively characters,
But yet I feel so dead.
Uncertain of what to say,
Uncertain of what to do.
Should I stay,
Or should I go?
Because nothing feels right,
At this very moment.
I feel like leaving,
Yet I resist at the same time.
Feelings all confused,
Heart all shattered.
What to do,
O what to do.
I don't know...
I really don't know...
~*KaKa*~ @ 3:55 PM.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Date of Writing: 18/08/2006
Time: GMT + 10 2103hours
Currently Listening to: Nothing
Mood: Weary
My mood has been wavering for a long time. One minute I'm feeling happy and all, but the next I feel depressed. It's really strange, but after that depression kinda sunk into my mind. I have to thank Ohanians for helping me, I've been a loner as long as I can remember, so kinda weird to have this many REAL caring friends then the people back in school who call themselves 'friends' to me. *shrug* Ever since my grandmother's passing last year, nothing really has been the same. Somehow, I grew to have a low tolerance against my mum. And ever since June when we never called on Father's Day and she lashed out at me and called me unfilial, I've had this deep pit of emotion that sunk in. I'm still trying not to get into trouble or to lash back at my mum, but somehow it just gets harder somehow.
UGR has been a pain, Sales & Marketing and IT have both dumped jobs onto my group which is really UNRELATED to Public Relations. For crying out loud, so what if my team is over efficient? Doesn't mean you can just dump any other job onto us. Geez, crazy guys. As school life gets more hentic, so has my work schedule. But at home I feel lonely, I feel unsecure really. I'm still keeping away from the kitchen knives to my sister's dismay, but my current state of mind those past weeks really drove me to the edge. It gets more and more unsettling as the pit in my stomach grows deeper. The Christian support group has alot of my classmates and some Singaporeans in there, but getting constantly badgered to go for Sunday Mass is irking. My few latest poems were the product of my annoyance and dillusioned state of mind. Needless to say, it sorta sparked up from the spam can and the rest got a huge drift of my angst. Meh...I'm weird.
But lately, I've been getting some weird dreams. Ok, it sounds cliched like Kingdom Hearts, but the splitting headaches that have been plaguing me recently can't be a coincidence. I just thought I was overstressed from my math paper but somehow even after a nice afternoon nap, I'm still dizzy and my dream was so irking. It's almost nearly the same as the ones I've had since my grandmother passed away, and mind you, those dreams plagued me for a whole month before it finally stopped. This one is almost similar, only slightly different with different people in them. I'm getting slightly freaked at the dreams, but I'm hoping that they stop soon. =/
Ouch, there goes my head again, I'm getting all weary again. It's so weird, I'm freaking myself out. =/
~*KaKa*~ @ 7:07 PM.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Date of Writing: 02/08/2006
Time: GMT + 10 1300hours
Currently Listening to: Nothing
Mood: ZzzZZzzZZzzZZzz
Well, I stepped down from the EXCO position and everything has been going smoothly, *except for another incident but nevermind* and I've gotten back to the school drives. Just that I'm still SLEEPING in my morning classes! x.X Homework has been hell, assignments thrown in at all periods of times. o.O uh oh, but at least I've got time to do them ._." I hope
OH is on a slow down, my brain's all frizzled up getting up them articles for June/July X.X but at least *finally* we've got new reporters! but then again, only 2 replied, which is Lex *Amaryllis* and Jo *shinigami* -.-" disappointing but I'm not surprised, not many people like doing this stuff anyway. Gonna have to speak with xk about giving reporters their own column in the new merged OH. >-< wooooo
Priestess at level 70! Finally ._." my PMS hasn't been doing good either. In spring here, you'd think it'd get warmer right? Nuh uh, it's gotten COLDER! It's 6 degrees and we're freezing our bums off here T_T but it should be ok, just that I gotta get my warm fuzzy blankets to sleep and snuggle in!
Oo yea, Jol, Jo, Jor and Gia's birthdays. >-< Jor's has passed, Jol's this saturday and Jo and Gia's are a week apart from each other o.O" Now....all they get from me is a pokey sms! Cause I don't have their addresses to send them a post message ._."""
Alrightiessssss, time for tutorialzz, *zzz ZZzzzZZ* -__-" ciao all~!
~*KaKa*~ @ 11:04 AM.
